I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
