you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
