rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
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Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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