Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
