I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
