yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
barbara walters just said penis...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
