really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
