Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
