And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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