I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
