Someone shit on the floor
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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