I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
