Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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