you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Randomize
