He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
