I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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