I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
