So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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