not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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