can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
