can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
