As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
