foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
