No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
