Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
