so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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