Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
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I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
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Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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