I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
