i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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