how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
