Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
