So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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