Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
