Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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