your thong is hanging out like whoa
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
