Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
