Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize