I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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