i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
