You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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