nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize