Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
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The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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