my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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