Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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