I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
