I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
