I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
