I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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