Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
