3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
