Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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