i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
