What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
