I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
