She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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