I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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