just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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