Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
