but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
