i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
