But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
