Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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