she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
