I wish I could teleport
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
